Syrian uprising TV ratings & online views soar as millions watch innocent people filmed to death
Shocking newsflash from historians – stupid humans haven’t learned anything from the past
No brave journalists die in shops covering the slaughter of millions by consumers
In the UK NHS reforms to increase privatization are not privatisation honestly – ok they are
Hello sordid needs welcome to the FKN Newz – im taking it as it comes here are the head lies to night -
In Syria the ongoing murder and suppression of anti Assad protests has resulted in soaring viewing figures and rating for news shows – millions and millions of people have now watched the slaughter and seen the dead – charities and humanitarian groups have called for a cease viewing so that the eyes of many more innocent viewers can be spared . in spite of this the broadcasts go on nightly with president Assad blaming international telivism for the rise in viewing figures – however opposition groups say that state sponsored telivism has itself filmed many people and shot lots of footage in outlying districts – the city of homs has been filmed mercilessly by the Syrian media – some reports suggest 100 of innocent women and children have been filmed and their images viewed around the world. here is our special report – Death and suffering have always made good footage for news organizations – it no longer matters who is dying or why just as long as people watch – and watch they do – Ratings for the Syrian uprising have been increasing steadily since Arab leauge observers left the country and the UN has called for Assad to stop the filming and return to normal programing . distraught survivors of shelling and the maimed corpses of children make really good news and Western journalists have been filming in large no – some news organizations are said to be responsible for hours of footage much of it uploaded to social media, spreading the horror all over the internet. Millions of people continue watching and doing nothing. one woman we spoke to said – why are people watching us die , please watch someone else die – there are people getting killed in Gaza – Yemen – Saudi- Bahrain , theres are police states and fascism in your own counties – there are millions of starving brown people dying slowly in hd widescreen please the ratings are killing us . In spite of all attempts to do nothing about t this lucrative news story the filming gos on, and it seems ther e will be no end to the rise in ratings and commentaries er sorry that should be killing and causalities – thanks and there will be moron that story later
Hello welcome to doom berg news just in, Greece receives another bailout and the wheels stay on the euro – Greece will receive about 130 billion if it can assure its lenders that they will pass their children round as debt toys for the fiscal pleasure of unnamed bankers – can we please stop calling this a bail out – its not a bial out out – its a debt in …they are now in more debt indebted to – as in they now owe more fucking money than they did before ,- now im confused greece is getting out of debt …by getting into debt – indebt debt debty debt – its not a fkn bailout – er unless your the bankers who stand to lose every fake cent you foisted on these people through the corruption of their leaders – yeah its a bail out for the predatory debtophiles preying on innocent nations in the swing park of internation finance- yeah its a bailout for bankers that created and lent the fake money and who are desperate to keep the greek people in their bondage dungeon of debt – wow 130 billoin hang on ill press print – wait till the ink dries before spending it ..er i mean giving it back to my friends the thieves who you owe it too, – please if you are going merciless lesy rob a whole country in broad daylight , at least have the nuts to say it like it is – a bunch of thieves are helping they r friends who are also thieves, continue thieving, so they wont lose control of the people theyr both stealing from – bail out thats a good one haha its debt debt y debt debt – ok not out of any thing more in debt debt – ok – a quick look at the markets – fear is up , death is up , famine is up , war is up , poverty is up – and growth in all of them is expected for a least the next century – cu next time on doomberg
Historians have shocked the world today with the announcement that humans are really really stupid and that in all of recorded time , even into the hazy realm of folklore and mythology , throughout the rise and fall of countless empires and civilizations and even with the benefit of historical documents and a clear view of the past- humans haven’t learnt a thing, nothing ..in fact if anything humans are dummber now than they ever have been – History they say bears out the conclusion , with humans repeatedly displaying the ability to make the same mistakes over and over again , without ever learning from their fuckups or passing on the wisdom not to do that shit anymore- to following generations. The collection of eminent historians defended themselves from critics who claim they are only looking at the bad stuff by pointing out that er thats all there is – heres professor rusty bifocal giving the announcement -
After years or research and consideration of the whole of recorded time We regret to say that by any measure – humanity , taken as a large group – is pretty fucked up – or in Latin gullibalous rapacious enslavementosis. put quite simply it means that large groups of humans organized into “societies” or : civilizations “ as they are soemwhat humorously called, are stupid , they were stupid a long tiume agao and they are still stupid today – -given the humans brains obvious capacity for learning , and the evidence of the developmental of individual intelligence, it came as a bit of a shockl to discover that as a community humans are really really dumb – you see we are collectively the same morons now as we were 10,000 yrs ago – absolutely the same – genetically , physically and socially – destroying our environment , falling for tyranny despite all the obvious signs -= poisoning our own water and food even when we know it is a bad idea – Humans inability toi learn as a group has led to us reliving the same disasters of exploitation war tyrrany slavery and boicide etc but on an ever increasing scale – when this is pointed out by individuals who notice how fucked up things are – the group reacts like an angry pack turning on the dissenter or individuals observations before it has really weighed up the issue. take nuclear energy for instance its clear that humans cant deal with the waste or the dangers of running nuclear industries and armaments – no human empire or civilization has ever survived longer than 1500 yrs yet the waste from a nuclear power station will still be deadly in 76 ooo yrs plainly this is really extra ordinarily stupid and just one example of the total dumbness of humans – they are im sad to say as thick as shit or in latin – maximuss shitius densorium .
No one is mourning the journalists who havent died covering the ever growing humanitarian nightmare at the shops – tributes were paid today to the living journalists who didnt risk their lives to bring us the unfolding horror of people buying things they didnt make and cant afford made by economic slaves using resources obtained by destroying the earth – heres our imaginary corespondent from the frtont lines – im not in a dangerous postion here at all and things could get a lot better when i visit Starbucks later – around me are thousands of shoppers oblivious to the mass extinction of species the products they buy are causing – the carnage is totally er not here – i cant see any habitat destruction or displaced peoples – theres not a sign of famine or over fishing nor have i seen any evidence of the human cost of economic slavery – on the whole everybody at the shops appears to be quite happy and oblivious to the disaster unfolding far far away from them in countries full of brown people they dont give a fuck about – im going to try and buy something myself later – my guide and translators says ill be perfectly safe as long as i have the money to pay for it – some people have reported a twinge of post purchase stress from buying things but on the whole it seems most people are completely unharmed by the act of shopping itself – the real tragedy is of course happening some where else , not on a completely different planet of course but far enough awy to not kill anyone here at the shops – back to you taking it as it comes -
And now on the fknnewz this weeks cock of lies – iran is dangerous – hey boys and girls check it out, would you like to see something unbelievable ? would you like to see mu cock ..of lies … huh mmm do uyou like it – yeah …its big isnt it , yeah would you like to believe it mmm i bet you would like to believe it , i bet youd believe it real good , uhuh why dont you try sucking it , it tasty great , its a big tasty lie alright mmm i d like you to believe it all day , uh yeah thats right thats some great believing right there , swallow that lie , swallo it all , uh ooh yeah you believe it all right – ive got a lot more where that came from i bet youll swallow them all
Hello brothers ands sisters , we have witnessed the deaths of millions in fake wars ,we have seen the erosion of rights and suppression of dissent and protest and we have failed to stop any of it – this does not mean we are beaten – on the contrary we are strong and we can take the fight to the enemy – we are OFFENSIVE and we cannot be stopped – jion us as we wage war against our oppressors and tyrants by insulting them as often as we want – yep no matter what elese you can or cannot do – you can always call your rulers odious fucking twats – go on give it a shot you ll feel better and youll have added to the growing ranks of the offensive – fuck the owners of earth the fascist selfish greedy lying murdering scum sucking , shit faced arse whipes – fuck em all – fuck the super rich and their miserable lives of priveledge and dominance , the thieving murdering decadent pissant pewk stains – fuck israel and netinyahou, fuck , obama and the us war machine- ydo ou see you cannot stop us being offensive – we can strike at any time , our arsenal of words will assault you with ever more insults – bankers and warmongers be warned – We are offensive. We are ragging on yo ass. We do not take it back. We do not think we went too far. Fuck you .
In the uk – david cameron has said reforms to the nhs intended to increase profits for private medical companies – are not privatisation by the back door – they are privatisation in the front door – in your face – on your front lawn and all over your trousers like spilt coffee – heres what he didnt say – look me and my posh chums were looking at the taxpayers money and just drooling a lot you know when you see something you really want aaararag – anyway weve already taken most of it one way or another with the arms trade, bank bailouts, – subsidies , bribes to over seas tyrants and so on – but now we want the money for the health service – its oodles of cash you know – billions and billions and billions of pounds intended to pay for profit free care of anyone sick injured or unwell – so we thought what if we just tinkered with the health service so that the money had to be spent on our chums in the big private medicare business – you know the ones who gave us millions for our election campaign n= er not that there’s a conflict of interests there – because we dont giv a fuck what you want at all so er no conflict there then – actually our reforms will offer sick people choice lots of choice – mainly ther choice will be which grasping corporation do you weant to make a profit out of your ill health – - now thats real choice
thanks now the weather -
